Here's some ugly!

I am pissed off! First I was sad, very sad. Now I am so freaking mad!!!!!! Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't she just send what she needed to send? Why would she do this to us? Why did I believe? Why us? Why? Why? Why? I wish I had some F**ing answers! I can't decide if its just plain mean or evil. What makes someone do this to someone else. If she had something to hide that she was afraid to tell us, then before we walked away Why? wouldn't she just take a chance and tell us. If it was just a game, I just don't f**ing get that and I never will. I mean I feel bad a little for some people that are so sick to hurt someone like that, but it still doesn't make it ok. What could have happened to someone to make them do that to someone else???? I don't know. I thought we had our one heartbreak with a scammer who said she was pregnant with twins. Now in all fairness(which by the way is really hard to do right now) I have no proof she is a scammer. She just promised something that she didn't do. And no, I don't mean she promised her baby. No one can make that kind of promise, but she sent back paperwork to the lawyer and promised to send the medical records too. This is part of the adoption process and she said she wanted to do an adoption with us. We were not being unreasonable at all, we waited 2 months and still nothing. So we had to make a decision, we had to assume she either had something to hide, was a scammer or didn't want us to be the parents. So we decided to walk away from the situation. It is very hard, because you get very involved and very attached. After all, we love the baby that is meant for us already and when you think he/she is in your life you become attached.

I am still sad but I am sooooooo pissed that this was 3 months of my life, but mostly because I put my heart out there and it got stepped on. It got stepped on and with no apology or explanation. I will get over it and when I am holding my baby it will seem like a distant memory. A memory that lead me to our sweet baby. These are my labor pains and I will endure them for as long as I need to, to have our baby come into this world and be with us! Isn't it what hurts us makes us stonger! Well we are extremely strong then! I hope our children will learn this from us, never give up when you really want something. Because we have never wanted anything as much as them!!!! They give us courage and strength to go on.
Bare with us there may be more ugly to come :(

Playing in the snow!

Me and Sammy playing in the snow today with Britney!

One Year!!!

It has been a year since we started our adoption journey to miracle baby number 2! I really can't believe its been a year and then again I can because it also seems like longer. We have had a few situations that have not worked out and one just ended this past week. I am pretty upset about it. I will be sad and move on. After all I know when it meant to be it will be. I have proof with Sam!!!! We are waiting patiently for you our sweet angel baby!! Can't wait til you find us!! we love you! Mommy, Daddy & Sam

I'm Alive!

I'm here and breathing freely now, thank god! Had an ear and sinus infection...yuck. I hate being sick. I have never had so many colds until Sam! But.... I will never stop getting and giving smookies to my sweet pea when he is sick!!!! I was a cleaning machine today. Lots of built up energy from not doing too much in a while. All the Christmas stuff is away. The house looks so blah now. Tomorrow I will put up the Valentines day stuff. Speaking of Valentines Day, we will have a very special guest visiting during that weekend. My friend Britney will be here from Texas! I am soooo excited to meet her. We met online almost a year ago and have talked since and now we will get to meet in person. She has never been to NY so we will be doing the tourist stuff. I love when people visit, it makes us do that stuff. It's crazy we live in the best city and yet don't take full advantage of it usually.
Hmmmmmm.... what else is new, Sam is a lil' picasso. He loves painting. We sent his birthmom some of his artwork and she got it today. She called and said it was so beautiful and he did such a good job. I told her to get the folder ready for more to come!! Kenny's birthday is coming up and I don't' know what to get him. Gotta put on my thinking cap. Sam will get more practice making his second cake for daddy! He made his first in Nov. for the Marine Corp birthday, and since his daddy is a marine it was made with love for him. I have pics but not on the computer. :(
Oh well I'm sleepy. nighty night!!

Sick :(

I'm sick! I'll be back when I'm not.

Monday....

It's Monday! I can't believe it's January 4th already, time really does fly. We had a great weekend. New Year's day we just vegged. Saturday was full of cleaning. We are cleaning out the back room upstairs that will be Sam's big boy bedroom! Wow, big boy room, I really want another baby but that will make him a big boy and that's scary!! Sunday, Kenny and I had a date, mmmhhmmmm I said date! We got dressed up and went to a fancy hotel near our house and had a fabulous brunch. Lobster, french toast and mimosa's yum-yum!! :) Then my cold was getting worse so I came back and snuggled with Sam for the rest of the day, watching cartoons. I went out and got a netti pot for nasal rinsing, they are great! Really cleans them out. Now it's Monday and we are off to do some errands in the freezing cold. I have to mail out my package for Birthmom Baskets. Its a really great thing a birthmom named Gina is doing. She makes these baskets for birthmoms so they won't have to leave the hospital empty handed. The baskets are filled with all sorts of goodies, nice lotions and body washes, candles, journals, manicure kits and pampering stuff like that. She takes donations so, if you have any new stuff you would like to donate, I can give you the address. Then I think we are headed to the carousel. A fun indoor thing to do since its so damn cold out. I know I haven't mentioned this in a while but, we are still talking to a really great woman about adopting her baby. I am soooo scared, I really can't even write about it. I am afraid of our hearts, and hers breaking. I am thinking positively, if its meant to be, it will! That's it for now, ttyl.

Happy New Year!! 2010

Welcome 2010, can't wait to see what miracles and blessings you bring this year! Last night was fun. Kenny was off last night, that alone was a blessing. He usually works new years eve, but we had him here with us. Can you believe 10 yrs ago was our first New Years together. He was working but it was the millennium, yikes doesn't seem that long ago we were waiting for 2000!
Well last night it was us, Sam, my mom and dad, Deb and baby William. Big Will stopped by while he was working to say hi. We some snacks and then Deb brought her famous taco salad, yum!! I made baked ziti to go along with but I could have just eaten the taco salad, I just love it. We put the kiddies to sleep and then played Scattergories. Fun game, we had alot of laughs. Time to ring in the New Year!! YAY!!!!!!
When we got up this morning we did party hats and noise makers with Sam. He saw the stuff on the table and said party! coooollll!! lol he's so funny.
Oh yeah, we had snow yesterday morning and we made an awesome snowman. We finally had snowman snow!!! :)
Happy New Year, may all your wishes come true!!