Here's some ugly!

I am pissed off! First I was sad, very sad. Now I am so freaking mad!!!!!! Why? Why? Why? Why couldn't she just send what she needed to send? Why would she do this to us? Why did I believe? Why us? Why? Why? Why? I wish I had some F**ing answers! I can't decide if its just plain mean or evil. What makes someone do this to someone else. If she had something to hide that she was afraid to tell us, then before we walked away Why? wouldn't she just take a chance and tell us. If it was just a game, I just don't f**ing get that and I never will. I mean I feel bad a little for some people that are so sick to hurt someone like that, but it still doesn't make it ok. What could have happened to someone to make them do that to someone else???? I don't know. I thought we had our one heartbreak with a scammer who said she was pregnant with twins. Now in all fairness(which by the way is really hard to do right now) I have no proof she is a scammer. She just promised something that she didn't do. And no, I don't mean she promised her baby. No one can make that kind of promise, but she sent back paperwork to the lawyer and promised to send the medical records too. This is part of the adoption process and she said she wanted to do an adoption with us. We were not being unreasonable at all, we waited 2 months and still nothing. So we had to make a decision, we had to assume she either had something to hide, was a scammer or didn't want us to be the parents. So we decided to walk away from the situation. It is very hard, because you get very involved and very attached. After all, we love the baby that is meant for us already and when you think he/she is in your life you become attached.

I am still sad but I am sooooooo pissed that this was 3 months of my life, but mostly because I put my heart out there and it got stepped on. It got stepped on and with no apology or explanation. I will get over it and when I am holding my baby it will seem like a distant memory. A memory that lead me to our sweet baby. These are my labor pains and I will endure them for as long as I need to, to have our baby come into this world and be with us! Isn't it what hurts us makes us stonger! Well we are extremely strong then! I hope our children will learn this from us, never give up when you really want something. Because we have never wanted anything as much as them!!!! They give us courage and strength to go on.
Bare with us there may be more ugly to come :(